Stop Forcing It
Just because something is good doesn't mean it's good for you right now.
A friend still gives me grief about the exercise ball.
Years ago, I read that sitting on one instead of a desk chair would fix your posture and quietly work your core while you answered emails. It sounded perfect.
I ordered one and was excited to blow it up and get to work. Within an hour, I noticed some lower back discomfort. Within days, my back was in open rebellion. I couldn’t take it any longer. The ball got deflated, and I went back to my boring desk chair.
This friend has watched me get excited about plenty of things over the years that were supposed to change my life. Sometimes it actually works. My sleep improved significantly once I started taking a cheap supplement before bed. Other times, like the exercise ball, it’s a spectacular flop.
Even if my friend has plenty of material for giving me a hard time, I know that the wins wouldn’t come without a willingness to have some losses along the way. Lucky people try stuff. And some of that stuff has made a positive difference in my life.
We often treat quitting as a character flaw, as if finishing something we hate proves our commitment. But sticking with a method, a routine, or a spiritual practice that’s clearly not working isn’t virtue. It’s mostly just stubbornness.
Not everything is going to work. That’s just the price of finding what does. So check out the book, experiment with the prayer practice, and maybe even try the life hack you read about online. And when it’s not working, stop forcing it.
I’ve recently decided that I don’t need to live like a monk.
That’s not my vocation. I’ve tried in to various ways. I went to Opus Dei monthly Recollections for about a decade from about 2004 to 2013. There I learned about having a plan of life. I tried very hard to build up to what an Opus Dei member does but I could not do it.
We had four kids during that time, and I was trying to start a law practice.
Then I did Exodus 90 multiple times with guys online and from my church community and I could never complete everything for 90 days. Not even close.
Recently I tried the Monk app. It has some great stuff but I don’t have the time and freedom to pray alone multiple times per day and watch all the videos and do all the stuff they teach.
Before Christmas, I took a break from Thursday through Monday the first week of Advent to spend 5 days with Benedictine Monks at Ascension Abbey in Richardton ND.
While I was there, they let me keep their schedule for everything but work. I didn’t have to wash the dishes or shovel snow because I was a guest and benefactor.
But they did let me sit in choir with them and pray the hours. It was a beautiful experience. Living with the monks, I found it very easy and enjoyable to do this. Then it hit me, this doesn’t work at home for me because, I’m not a monk! This is not my vocation. It’s a lovely vocation. I really enjoyed the men I spent time praying with. Had I been Catholic before I got married, I might have explored this vocation more, but it’s not my vocation. It’s perfectly fine if I just go to Mass on Sundays and holy days and pray when I can. Realistically, when I’m praying daily it probably needs to be with my wife or family. Otherwise it’s taking my attention from them.
I have learned from all those experiences. I will continue doing an annual retreat and making time to have a holy hour at least once a month and praying a daily rosary with my wife. And that’s enough. That fits my vocation. I learned from Opus Dei that if I do my work well, with intention and love it can also be prayer.
Being present and really listening to my work colleagues and my children is a way for me to practice the Presence Of God. I don’t have to spend 15-30 min 5 or 7 times a day doing religious things.
In a monastery, it’s the most natural thing in the world. In my family life and law practice, it is not. I learned a lot from it all, but for now, I’m done with monk life.