Friendship: We Want It, We Fear It
We crave connection but fear what facilitates it. And we are lonelier than ever.
One of my favorite podcasts asks every guest, "What's the one thing we're not talking about as a society that we really should be?"
Loneliness doesn't exactly qualify. A new study highlighting the decline in friendship seems to come out each month. The U.K. even has a Minister for Loneliness to deal with the "sad reality of modern life."
Still, particularly when loneliness underlies many other societal problems, I don’t think we talk about it enough.
A recent study found that 58% of Americans feel lonely some of the time. Young people are particularly lonely. The same study found that 79% of adults aged 18 to 24 report feeling lonely compared to 41% of those aged 66 and older.
The problem is even more pronounced for young men. Another recent survey asked about the number of close social contacts. This was defined as people you talked to within the last six months about an important personal matter. 28% of men under the age of 30 reported not having any close social contacts.
This is bigger than a single individual. Scholars have noted the decline in bowling leagues, fraternal organizations, and church groups. Our digital connectivity surely plays a role in the diminishment of our in-person sharing.
Still, individuals can also do their part to push against these trends. Now might be the day to reach out to someone. Chances are they're also looking for a connection.
P.S. If you want a more humorous take on the problem of male loneliness, check out this skit from Saturday Night Live.